Review of Maple Street Biscuit Company (Seminole, Fl) Review

Maple Street Biscuit Company Review

Who it’s for

  • Older people who can’t hear so great.
  • People who really like biscuits (me).
  • People who really like biscuits and perfect gravy (also me).
  • People with more money than sense (not really me).
  • People who like hearing yelling in the morning.
  • People who think southern charm is worth money.
  • People who come into this knowing it’s not a relaxing breakfast place, but a fast food restaurant with perfect gravy.

The Good

  • The biscuits are soft, fluffy (I hope they weren’t supposed to be flaky) and tasty.
  • The chicken breading is great.
  • The Gravy is nearly perfect for this application. Loaded with sausage, salted correctly and with a hint of spicy heat. A good sausage gravy can be hard to find, and this is perfect.
  • The manager makes an effort to ask everyone how their meal is. Touches like this make a big difference.
  • The environment is warm and comfortable, with a big but (see below).
  • The maple syrup is made in the USA, but (see below).
  • The Chai Latte is made well.

The Meh

  • The chicken itself was on the verge of being dry and chewy.
  • The maple syrup has a bad flavor up front, it goes away and then syrup is good, but it’s hard to get over that initial flavor.
  • The cheddar cheese tastes like great value brand. This isn’t usually an issue, but you paid so much for it that I feel like I should at least be lied to and told its made in a traditional farmhouse by a southern hipster or something.
  • Minor complaint, my egg yolk was popped before I got my food. I like to choose where the egg yolk goes.

The Bad

  • The bacon is bad, overcooked to the point that it forms sharp little shards of what once used to be a pig and is now just tiny knives stabbing your gums. The manager says that this is because they often cover the bacon with some type of sauce. Mine was covered in delicious gravy and egg, but my gums still got stabbed. This ruins the texture of the biscuits and chicken. The menu says that it’s got pecans in it which sounds amazing, but it really tastes like that flavor you get when you are burying a fire pit and you accidentally get some ash in your mouth, but the ash is mixed with oil and stabs your mouth. The bacon is bad.
  • The environment is frenetic and loud. This is a breakfast place, maybe it’s just me, but I like a breakfast place to be relaxing. This may not be a problem for everyone. Some people like to hear yelling in the morning.
  • They ask you a question like, what street do you live on, then yell that answer so you will come up to the counter to pick up your own order. This only adds to the frenetic atmosphere.
  • You must seat yourself and then order; or order and hope there will be a seat available for when someone yells the answer to the question you probably won’t be listening for after hunting for a place to sit (take someone with you and have them claim some seats). It is every person for themselves and if you are alone you could be SOL.
  • You must pick your own food up from the counter before or after you hunted for a seat.
  • Far too expensive. An egg, biscuits, bacon and gravy costs $10. Biscuits and gravy start at $6 on its (single biscuit) own. This is double the cost of a sit-down restaurant where no one yells random street names every few minutes and you don’t have to fight for a table or settle with eating next to someone’s smelly kid. It’s set up like a fast food restaurant, but at quadruple the price. Then add a drink and a meal for 2 people might wind up at near to or greater than $30. That’s diner money, but with the burden of finding seating and listening to yelling put on your shoulders.

What to expect.

Walk in and make sure there is seating available, because apparently in modern America you must fight for a place to sit to eat in addition to everything else. If you enter through the back like we did, avert your eyes from the nigh overflowing trash bin. It’s probably best to enter from the correct side which is the side opposite of Banfield pet hospital, but since there is insufficient parking in the front, you will likely enter through the back. Watch out for all the people eating at the table right next to the door.

If you have a partner with you, immediately set them on a quest to find a seat. This is important because you might find yourself ordering and having nowhere private to sit. If you like sharing a big table with strangers and their kids, then seating may not be a problem.

Once you have staked out a place to sit, go on a quest to stand in queue. Keep queueing there while reading the menu and try to ignore the staff yelling random words, this will become important later, but is just annoying for now and for most of your visit. I think it’s supposed to be quirky.

Wait for your food. Eventually, for southern charm reasons or something, they will yell the answer to a question they asked you when you ordered. Don’t play their games, give them your name. Pick up your food after waiting around 13 minutes which would be reasonable at a diner, but not a fast food restaurant.

Sit, try to ignore the yelling and movement, eat, remove the sharp bacon shards from your mouth and take a swig of water to flush the taste of blood out of your mouth.

An excerpt from my inner dialog:

“Oh god the noise at, least the sound of this crunchy bacon ash I’m grinding between my teeth is helping to drown it out.”

“Oh here comes the manager, he is, explaining to every table that the maple syrup is actually good you just got to kind of grit your teeth through it. So it’s not just my maple syrup that tastes bad.”

“Isn’t that weird, if its good why would you have to explain that to everyone.”

Complete your meal and clean your own table. Or take a stand; you don’t work for the maple street biscuit company and you just paid 4 times the cost of biscuits at most places. Let them clean their own tables. At these prices we should be upset if we find out that the staff is not paid a living wage.

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Summary.

I don’t usually write reviews, but listen, that bacon is a disgrace and I think it is important to know that this is expensive fast food. if you are like us and visit breakfast diners on the weekends you will be disappointed. If you go into this knowing that it is just breakfast fast food, then your expectations will be set correctly. Knowing this, consider the cost of a biscuit minis at chick fil-a. Even at their inflated prices it is a fraction of the price and still delicious. Lower your standards and you wind up at $4 for 2 Bacon egg and cheese biscuits at McDonalds with no yelling and bacon that won’t cut your mouth.

 

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